League of Women Voters of Skagit County






Listening Fully and Exploring Biases
Thurs. Aug 9, 6:30 - 8:30PM
Sedro-Woolley City Council Chambers

Session evaluation COMPILED INPUT


On a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being best —how would you rate this session:  _____4.6______

Why did you attend this session?


What are the primary ideas and skills you found helpful?


Tell us several things that went well today?


In what ways can we improve our sessions and the program in general?

Share any other thoughts on civil discourse.

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Session evaluation summary
Thurs. July 19, 6:30 - 8:30PM, Anacortes Public Library
“Preparing for and Responding to Stress and Conflict “

On a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being best —how would you rate this session:  Avg 4.1 (But doesn’t include additional weighting for one score of 5+ and one score of 6!)

Why did you attend this session?

What are the primary ideas and skills you found helpful?

Tell us several things that went well today?

In what ways can we improve our sessions and the program in general?

Share any other thoughts on civil discourse.

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Summary of Feedback
June 14, 2018 Skill Building Session
“Overview of Conflict Resolution and Large Problem Solving”

A large number of respondents attended this session because of their belief in the importance and the need for Civil Discourse in our community.  Several also mentioned the opportunity for personal growth and enhancing listening and communications skills, to bring those skills to everyday life—not just in conflict situations.

There is a widely held desire among the attendees to learn more skills so we can have better conversations with those who have differing and very passionately held viewpoints on highly charged topics--even when the other party’s views are perceived as uncivil/dehumanizing/dismissive of rights/erasing of dignity.  How can we achieve ‘Peace in the Valley’ though our actions?

Many are interested in the opportunity to network with like-minded folks who are interested in this topic and branch out to get to know the community better.  Being more engaged, and to bring the skills to help mediate conflict in youth and other work-related areas.

The ideas and skills most mentioned as valuable from this session were:

Several participants also mentioned that which being a good listener is very valuable,  they feel the need to learn to articulate more, to speak up and know how to move the conversation along as well.

State of Being discussion reminded several attendees mindfulness practice--a meditative and reflective process

It was noted that there were a good number of men in attendance all of whom were open-minded. Appreciation was expressed that at least one self-identified Republican was present.  And a question was raised about whether people who need these sessions most are not in attendance--and how can we reach them?
 
--Some role modeling and practice in using new techniques by acting out theoretical but real-life situations
--Acknowledge social location and privilege and how that informs the lens through which we view the world.  How will we engage in these conversations while holding folks accountable for the harm that is caused?
 
Share any other thoughts on Civil Discourse

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Notes from May 5th, 2018 Civil Discourse in the Public Arena meeting

General notes from the Keynote, Panel discussion and Group Breakout sessions:

Fear is a key which seems to drive a wedge between people.

The ‘status quo’ position always has the advantage—so the ‘other point of view’ should be offered a bit more opportunity to be heard--to even the playing field.  We need to be changemakers to assist the disenfranchised to have a voice.

Critical thinking skills and education are so important, yet don’t seem to be valued today.  The lack of Civics education and a lack of understanding the structure of our governments causes misunderstanding about how and who can influence which decisions.

Building relationships locally can be the key to keeping things civil—building bridges to explore common interests.  Start by finding facts where we can agree.   Getting to know our neighbors and support each other is a great start—since we all have in common that we value Skagit county as our home.  We need to remember everyone is on their own journey and doing the best they can.  Showing kindness and compassion in daily life and truly listening to each other.

We often surround ourselves just with those who agree with us and it’s hard to take the risk to seek out and interact with those who don’t agree with our positions.  Facebook algorithms continue to narrow the selection of ‘facts’ presented in your feed to underscore what you believe.  How can we get out of our comfort zones and open ourselves us to get to know people from other backgrounds?

There’s a fine balance when it comes to emotions.  Keeping emotions in check can help us be more rational in our thinking, yet emotions are also what cause us to act and care!  If emotions are focused on the problem, not on the other person, they can help spur positive action.

When rocks are thrown, you can build something, rather than throwing them back.  Individually, we can change how we receive a message and control how we react—which can influence and diffuse the next exchange with that person.

Understanding another person is challenging—because we need to understand the landscape around them—what has influenced their perspective?  We often work to get our ideas across before seeing whether the other person is ready to receive them.

When you have tried your best to be civil and the other person doesn’t respond in kind, you don’t owe that person your energy and attention.   You can set boundaries, walk away and agree to disagree.

We perceive that we have a culture in the valley which is typically pretty civil—community organizations are working together already and the law enforcement emphasis on training and education for officers shows support for civility.  And yet—the large attendance at this meeting, and the reminder from the audience about being civil when referring to outlying cities and towns in our own county opens our eyes to our own need for sensitivity and attention to the topic.

How do we keep this energy going into the future?

Reports from break-out groups’ reports:

Group A
Do not regard others as an enemy
It isn’t a battle to win
Status quo has an advantage – minority views need a bigger platform

Group B
Civility is unique to a community – Skagit, WA, US
Civility begins with the individual to affect another, not to control
Civility is compassionate
Time is now!

Group C
Local discourse is good
Civics education in schools is important
Listen to each other
Relationships are key
Commonality – middle ground
We need to participate

Group D
We need to build bridges, enlarge understanding
Facts – “the truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable”
Argue effectively
Control yourself

Group E
The reporter said that most of their points were already reported and added that they had three elected officials, all women, in their group

Group F
Importance of balance
We are not always right
Contempt gets in the way

Group G
Many thanks to the organizers
Must be inclusive of all
There is a role for civil disobedience
We have become more withdrawn, disengaged, fearful

Group  H
Techniques are needed to deescalate a situation
Shouldn’t be too polite
Assist the disenfranchised of the community
Emotion is important, but it shouldn’t get in the way
We shouldn’t become hopeless


Some questions from the Q&A
What about bullies?  What are the extents of civil discourse when dealing with a bully?  Sometimes a bully needs to be called a bully.
Amy addressed this question with examples of asking questions of the person who is bullying – Why did you say that?  …do that?  Continue with more why questions.

How do we have a discourse without a common language?
Ray and Iris addressed and reminded us of the non-verbal communications which speak volumes.  They reminded us that communication includes how we act to each other, not just what we say.
Question for Lt. Moore: how do you train police officers to reduce emotional responses—to lower your voice in response, to increase thinking and facts

One audience question pointed out that emotion does have a role in informing an argument.
Amy answered with information including the reminder that we usually think that we are the reasonable person and the other person is not.  Learning to be better at arguing without being belittling is important to have a meaningful and civil discourse.